|
|
|
the archive(s):
issue no. 5:
(no title yet) iii / Ilya Zaychik
III.
Engage yourself in little exercises, mental tricks, if you will, in which you create the ironfisted pedagogue and then become the rebellious student. You set a rule, knowing you will break it. Then double back, commit to the rule as though it were a matter of life and death, then secretly hope it gets disrupted, put yourself in a situation you know will destroy your willpower. Dieting, quitting cigarettes, working out, doing schoolwork, the list goes on. Set yourself up, in other words. Go to places where you know she might be, peer around corners, behind doors, look over your shoulder, and walk aimlessly under the pretense of productivity. Then you see her, and your heart freaks out, literally, and you quickly hide, because you know it hurts you, then when you're out of dodge, you wish you had said hello. It is a failsafe system of disappointment, all man-made, created in order to avoid the problem of giving up the one (a modicum of emotional independence and sanity) for the other (the joy and excitement of her company). In this way you forgo neither, you leave your options open, the caveat being you don't choose. You understand you want neither and both at the same time. This is love. This is the non-duality of duality and non-duality.
But, of course, I move forward...
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
